Apparently yes if you ask the professionals. I mean its obvious I’m on the down side of a bipolar ride and it’s getting worse and yes I do feel thankful I’m getting some medical help but it does not seem to help with the feeling that my soul is burnt out. I still laugh and smile but its a facade on an old familiar building.
I know my life could be a lot worse. I’m not in Aleppo getting shelled, I’m not at standing rock facing off the police. I’m just here in little England feeling feelings that have no logic to the reality I face. In fact if I had some great cause to fight for I might feel better about it all. Feeling with meaning instead of just feeling.
So I’ll take the extra pills tonight and see what tomorrow brings. Maybe by dawn some spiritual revelation will happen about where or what I’m supposed to be doing. Currently I’m just a statistic in this western psychiatric machine.
One thing, I’m glad I’m here and alive. It’s not that bad yet and I guess without the dark you don’t notice the light. To be able to experience it all without fidgeting like a jack hammer would be nice.
Oh and thankyou to those who have read my posts and commented and liked. It is appreciated. Like some strange online self-help group its good just to make that human contact.