I used to be …

… A lot braver. Well you have to be to trade as a motorcycle courier in London for 6 years. That seems like an eternity ago as now I’m jumping at shadows of shadow’s. Fear has replaced my head strong sense of personality and I’m not the person I was.

I’m blame the concoction of medicine that I’m on now for a lot of it. 20mg of Olazapine and the 5 other drugs I take have made me fat and lazy. The manic highs of outrageous confidence gone under a blanket of pharmaceuticals. This is why seeing the psychiatrist on the 21st is turning into my D-day. Something needs to change as this regime is not fit for purpose. Believe it or not I do what my active role in society back. To know that I can rely on my abilities to get things done instead of slowly sinking in this mud of depression.

To long now I haven’t felt like myself. Yes real life issues play out, like my wife not finding the job she wants and getting turned down for things she’s well over qualified for and I have a 3 year old causing carnage as she learns to deal with the world but really what I feel is beyond those realms. It blacker than black, it’s my dragon.

And I will find a way to deal with her.




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