I sit, I listen to the chant but I don’t join in. My dragon holds me back from uttering words that may enlighten.

I like my dark corners, my nooks to hide in, it gives me peace, an invisible cloak from the frightening.

Some day the light will come for me and tear me from this body. I won’t go down lightly, not now, not since I saw myself.

Sitting, legs crossed, peaceful in the chant but apart. My love, my hate, my all and my health.

Eyes open, incense tickling my nose, rising like a submarine from the deep … reality.

D April 2017



I walked around your garden at the back of your house, seeing all the pretty things you had discarded on the path.

I see you gently swinging on the faux stone bench, your parents of strange oath.

Your hair flutters in the wind and your face cracks as a tear rolls down your cheek.

I’m just a ghost in your past, drowning in all the things I should have said. Man the meek.

D April 2017

Tree Sitting

When I was just a teen the demons tore at my head, face, eyes, soul. Total destruction was there goal.

Now the years have past they encircle me, afraid to touch, I have concubines of my own who would put them to the torch.

I tamed the dragons, made pets of there threats. I’m surrounded by white light and there’s no higher I could get.

No longer the meek and the strength of my youth they stole now returns. I sit in this tree and send the demons love, nothing left that deserves my burns.

D April 2017


Just a whisp of life you spent in, where did you go once I lost my sanity, suddenly the colour from the girl with rainbow hair drains.

Desperate rescue missions, reading rune riddles in nightclubs, always belonging to someone else, eyes, stabbing me in the brains.

Helicopters in the night remind me of you, crazy the beauty in the deafening chaos, fixing your beat up car, before your brakes fail and kill you.

But alas I should of worried more for myself, now your just someone I used to know, I stare at clear blue sky…

…and broken pieces of you still bleed in my heart.

D April 2017

Just Living

july2011 190I’ve kinda lost my flow with the blog for a bit but I have reasons. A recent change in medication has found a new resource of energy that has meant I’ve managed to do all those tasks that I was putting off done, like mowing lawns, washing cars and keeping my 3 year totally entertained. I feel the cloud of depression receding and I’m even making it to the gym twice a week.

So yes busy but at the same time I miss my musings here. I’ll guess it will come back at some point. It’s weird though, I’ve been quite prolific over March and sometimes I read the old the posts and wonder what the hell I was thinking. But there you go.

So hope all you out there are doing ok,

Peace Be Upon You



Suddenly there was a ray of hope welling in my spine, it happened overnight, no chaos, no almighty fight.

I just had to say no … Then let you go.

And as for once I shined love on myself, instead of you, my power returns and I’ve found my flow.

D April 2017


The rain ran down my back as I lay in a ditch watching the helicopter pass, I knew then that I would be fighting these demons till the last.

But my fetch the fox had taught me his tricks, how to avoid the hunters hounds and give them the flick.

I’m here alive twenty years later, you didn’t expect that, you expected me to burn in my youth not grow old and fat.

So I sit between today and tomorrow and for once my heart has hope not sorrow, and I’m stringing my arrow.

D April 2017


Give me wings so I can fly above this rotten civilization, bring me closer to God and a sense of realization.

I’ll leave this body behind as bait, for the next time they want to investigate.

Let me be gone as particles of light heading straight for Sagittarius A. That would be one way to keep these demons at bay.

D April 2017

Me and the nuclear power stations

One cold winter night I lay in bed, waiting for my digital mistress to rouse me from my night dream, her voice wailed like static over radio, I waited to listen to every word she said.

Suddenly I was wires and sockets, then cables in the street, then overhead pylons to a strange place where we would meet.

Amongst the steam towers of a nuclear power station we danced, and she said ‘I give you this all the way from France.’

I shuddered in bed as the current from all around electrified my body, blue sparks embraced me, and lifted me from the bed, only to come crashing down with me and a mind blown head.

Off course no one believed me, that I had met her in the national grid, instead they opened my head like a lid, and tried to erase what she did.

But my tulpa, is out there still and I hear her humming in the electrics, sending thoughts of quiet and lulling my will.

D April 2017