Heaven and Hell

To quote the mission;

“I still believe in God [but I beleive] God no longer believes in me.”

When you get prescribed pills that specifically state they are for ‘mistaken beliefs’ you begin to question everything. Can you go beyond good and evil? Will all that am be nothing but a CAT scan on an ancient hardrive in museum of the future marked as ‘That period when we nearly destroyed everything … again’.

I pray for my family it isn’t but I’ve seen some pretty dark stuff recently and I see very little God in mans inherent ability to be totally evil. And blaming Satan is a handy legal get out but I don’t buy it. Rockets and artillery arnt guided by Satan OS.

I feel like putting half the friggin planet on the thinking step. What is wrong you people, you have children blown to pieces, skin falling off and you say I have mistaken beliefs! (And yes I have witnessed all the gore first hand, you get that after working in a hospital, you know when you sane people fuck up and loose your leg in a car accident while stoned) I’m glad to be mistaken. I’m glad not to be in your gang. But hell I’m sure there’s some drug war you can get caught up in, or a new episode of East Enders and a bottle of wine.

Nothing’s changed, Zombie Nation and this angry rant will just disappear into the ether.

Maybe we deserve this. I still see birds feeding from my bird table. I feel so far away from them but there a foot in front of me. They didn’t ask for this. Maybe that’s why God no longer loves me.

Peace D


New Head Gear

I’m trying to be positive about my new head gear for yet another invisible illnesses (sleep apnea).

Kinda makes me look like a high altitude fighter pilot. Hope they give me a cool looking white jet to go with it. Maybe an F22 raptor that drops medical supplies instead of bombs.

Thank you NHS for footing the bill. As always under pressure but awesome.

Peace D


Despite the dick length competition going on in the world political stage (and you know what, I don’t care, just stop dropping bombs on hospitals and children, I don’t care what ideology you support) … things for me have been quite peaceful. The hackers have backed off or got bored, probably the latter because I’m really not that interesting and I know now how to lock them out, I just choose not to (it’s an ancient technique called tar trapping). Next come the feathers. Wonder who there going to stick to?

Still not my problem anymore, I’ll leave that to Oxford and the Abingdon school boys. If you get that link I may show you a modicum of respect.

Anyway I’m free, discharged from the intensive mental health services and almost firing on all cylinders again. Time to get on with living my life and leaving this petty bullshit behind me.

Hope you good people of word press find peace today


Your red tail (light).

You’ve locked your rear wheel, spun your juggernaut three sixty and you tell me this was part of your plan?

Your red handed, red lighted on your deviate words. Did you think I hadn’t noticed the gas light on your lips. Did you know I hadn’t actually flipped?

There’s a difference between a mad mans silence and a fools stupidity. Now all I need to prove you wrong is to out live you and your belief in my gullibility.

Welcome to the autumn of your life as my spring has just begun. And your welcome to all the music that I will sing and all the joy I have within.

D April 2018

Paranoid Triggers

Woke up from heavy sleep today. I’m temporary on olazapine to stop getting triggered from everything. I mean it was getting stupid, just the words or the phrase ‘I’m not German’ spoken by a nurse at the hospital would send me into a blind panic meaning I would spend the next 8 hours on my laptop working out if I was German, or the laptop was German, or if my socks were German, etc, etc…. This has happened before during hypermania meltdown. Both Eire and Italia got it. I once threw out a full bottle of Marmite believing it was Italian. Obviously this kind of behaviour can be very offensive to my chosen country of paranoid targeting. But I’m out of it now. So sorry, that was hyper mind not the person I consider myself to really be.

I’ve known people from all those countries and like people the world over there’s good and bad. So to Eireanne you rock, To Eisbrecher you rock (literally) and the man who’s name I forget because I was only 8 years old but taught me how to ride a motorcycle (scooter) in northern Italy you are the most awesome of awesome. And to keep this post positive I’m not going to mention, as my daughter would say ‘the bad’uns’.

Peace D

In The Interim

I’m currently on an interim discharge from the Psyche Ward and it all being so recent and basically tender, I’m not ready to share my experince of this episode yet. Those following probaly saw the signs coming.

So below is a screenshot of one of the passions that I have and I use to stay calm. Gaming with rockets and planes in Kerbal Space Program. This is a test flight of an early model Sounding rocket, it has 3 solid booster stages and can carry a limited number of experiments to 25000m and return them safely. I can bore you endlessly with this and it is an avoidance subject while I scrape the huge amounts of s**t off my fan.

Enjoy. Peace D.

PS: All previous posts where batch deleted then re-instated, so the orders out of sync and I have no energy to organize that mess. It’s random, take it as it is.