Unplugging Part 2

So I put my Huawei tablet in the garage out of range of the house during my decision to go unplugging everything. Mainly because it has 2 cameras, a mic and a speaker and it didn’t seem like a good device to have in the house when Huawei have been in the news for allegedly spying.

Anyway the audio jack on my phone went south so I brought the tablet back in just to stream Amazon music without need for the big PC to be on and networked, And yes the tablets been given the black tape over everything treatment, cameras etc. So far no backburning or gaslights so ‘they’ have either got bored and gone away or the new unplugging/taping routine is working. I was even stoic enough to create a new Twitter account! Only to find someone had used one of my emails previously and got it suspended. Must admit Twitter staff were quick to get that sorted for me, so thanks guys. As for Facebook, I deactivated my account saying I was concerned for my security. I don’t miss it. Most of the vileness I have seen these past few years has come via Facebook so you can go ‘jump’.

So there you go, were see how long Twitter lasts for my social media needs. It’s my last attempt to stay current. If this fails I’m going back to buying a daily newspaper, I may do anyway.

Peace

D

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Unplugging

Ok, I know a lot about tech, way more than is good for me. I’ve been headhunted for it and to be honest it’s not a good trade for a bipolar person to be in to. Especially one as paranoid as me.

So I was playing with my new Nintendo 3DS that I treated to myself as a gift for not smoking for 2 months and I noticed it had 3! Cameras on it, a mic an infrared light, as well as WiFi. WTF, I’m here to play Pokémon like the good old days not to be scanned constantly. I have no idea why it needs all this when only one game I know of even uses just 1 of the cameras.

So this led in to all my other devices, and their cameras and plethora of sensors and my phone (which I’m writing this on) my big PC with a permanent power supply for the network socket even when the PC is off, set top TV box, kindle, WiFi radio. From a hackers point of view it’s a goldmine if I was to be a target. Which I have been, I had to delete and disable my test bed external website and email server after some very threatening spam and a hijack that turned my mail server into a spam bot. Fortunately I had the foresight to pick up the chatter and move important services to different email accounts before the escalation. The only thing I may be locked out of is my Nectar account, so score one for the hackers, I have to call Sainsbury’s to regain control of my supermarket rewards points.

Anyway it was a bit of a pain but no irreversible harm done, but I’m annoyed that a convenient email address I used for 8 years with no trouble is now in the dark zone.

So yesterday I started my unplugging program. If it can be unplugged and switched off and the socket taken out it now is. I don’t actually need to be permanently connected to the net to play Kerbal Space Program or play mp3s so there’s no need for it to plugged into router. Just like dial up days, if I need the web or an update, plug in, get what I need and unplug.

The phone and other stuff well not a lot can be done with the WiFi because there’s a gut feeling in me that just because Android says WiFi is off it actually isnt, same goes for roaming data. I have a long winded explanation as to why that is (that I don’t have the time or energy to explain) but it follows ‘there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch’. Still cameras that don’t get used are now taped over (it’s good enough for Mark Zuckerberg) and mics to. As I know speakers reversed are mics, innocuous devices like TV and radios that have WiFi in them are unplugged and pulled out the socket.

So am I off grid and desperately lonely. No, this may be paranoid behaviour to some but, unplugging everything before bed was a ritual my grandfather did and he was always bitching about my wiring. Who knows, maybe he knew of the ‘spy in the cab’ even then.

The last couple of days I’ve barely used the net other than a couple of things on the this phone. Which now gets turned off at night which is a half way measure. I’m not going completely luddite.

I have really enjoyed my vinyl though and basking in hack free analogue experience of just the turntable and amp. I have a large collection of radios to, including a Decca from the 40s I’m repairing to the latest Tescun digital analogue SW hybrid.

I fear that the generation behind me think they will enter some kind of digital Nirvana. And privacies don’t matter. Privacy is a birthright, and as someone with mental health problems and dealing daily with people who quite rightly want to know what’s going on in my head on the other hand it is actually ok for me to say there are some thoughts I tell no one. We all do, despite this digital invasion into our daily lives.

As the Prodigy lyrics go;

“Now the writings on the wall, it’s an omen, you just run the automations…”

I say your mind is the analogue computer, your body it’s interface with reality. Which begs the question, is analogue dead yet?

Peace D

Still Standing

Well it hasn’t been a great time but I’m winning the pneumonia battle and depression by going off piste and taking 5htp and rescue remedy. Despite all the warnings not to mix herbal remedies with prescription I’ve had no contradictions and it sure beats Prozac or mirtazapine.

This weekend I’m traveling back to London to meet family and friends. I’m really looking forward to it as I find it hard to make friends irl even after living in this town over 3 years I’ve yet to make a firm friend. A Bi polar meltdown here and there hasn’t helped.

The only question is when I take my AS back injection medicine. It will kill my immune system and I’m not quite over the Pneumonia but I can feel my back and shoulder starting to lock up. So many conditions, slow little time 🙂

So that’s my life, the up side is my immediate family is awesome and my paranoia was unfounded bar one person who fortunately I’m getting some special therapy to deal with.

Bless you all, especially the recent positive comments.

Peace D

Moment of Self Pity

Whether it’s my illness or just conspiring events, I’m on a paranoid low and feeling quite gutless. I’m also recovering from pneumonia.

I feel those close to me are hiding something and I’ve run out of places to turn for or to get help.

So I live in a fog of dread that’s very discouraging and I can only hope that a ray of sunlight breaks through soon.

Tale of self pity I know

Peace

D

Will I Make March

My personal plan with WordPress expires in March 2019 and I’ve already had the hassling emails about price increases etc (well technically you now have to pay for the domain on top of the plan, which in my books is basically a price increase).

So though I may have 200 followers, only 20 odd are active and I’m not sure I want to fork out that amount to continuously spout bad Poetry from the mouth of a bipolary. If there’s a free plan I can default to in March I’ll stay, if not we’ll I guess my Web page precence that first started in 1999 comes to an end. To think I once live streamed to 60,000 music fans. How the world turns.

Will I miss it. Probably not. I have made something more precious than net infamy, something that can’t be quantified or packaged and sold. Nor will I let it be indexed here.

{Third week without a cigarette to}

Peace D

The moderate

I’m the extremist when I want to be the moderate, before I fall for the benign.

I’m the speed of a jet fighter before the sports car, slowed down till I’m cycling on the line.

I am the dead shot in the heart, before the miss of the shoulder, till I fail to load my quiver.

I’m the raging alcoholic where 100 is never enough, 1s to many and none donates a healthy liver.

I’m the trip head lost in a psychedelic dream, the one who will never try that again, before I fall for reality.

I’m the hesitation marks on my arm, before the thought that pain would numb it all, till I fall to the crying in the corner with dark voices in my head who threatened such fatality.

I ride up, I ride down, I’m the moderate that rides around.

D December 2018

Deadends

So I tried to get focused on prose writing some months back and also started a new blog with the hopes of getting my technical paranoia out on that. Both dead ends as my last two poems have drawn a few likes here on the bipolar by cola site and it was really cathartic writing them. So I guess this where I’ll be… For now (shame I can’t refund the other site though, bipolar overspend again! And the novel remains half written. Maybe that’s a good thing)

Peace D

Between you and me….

It is not worth remembering, the way you moved the walls, bent the halls, stood so tall… Over me.

I know you can lash out at any time and make me know pain, from insane to sane and back again. Your credentials hold but I do not wain.

I’m heading straight to fortress, the trees make my buttress, you can scorch the land, turn my body to sand…

… But you don’t see my old man watching me from up there, bringing me peace and making it fair.

Keep your faith rooms, while I’ll just keep the faith.

D November 2018

Walk

I have to walk the talk, but when I get there my lips remain shut.

Who am I to shatter the ambivalent nature of my rut.

In densely packed woods I can let out a quiet sigh, just maybe this once I have outrun the spies.

The mud here is perfect for a shallow grave, if they come, but just watching the flailing of my mind is good enough for some.

I put my head against the tree, old oak, older than me. This how I know you don’t need eyes to see.

And in the distance the bark of a dog … I have to walk the talk … Just to lose myself and drive myself out of town with a pitch fork.

D November 2018