Slow

So I found the brake pedal, no I wasn’t gunning for a medal. I didn’t mean to be that one special, it was ‘they’ who made it official.

The sparks failed to ignite the source, separation not engaging the force, I needed to shred some papers, welcome to the lay to rest some favours.

So set ahead at slow, none on board knows where we go. Into the distance we paddle, and the sun and moon chase each other with or without me.

I can only do what I’ve always done, and be.

D January 2019

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Sky Shadows

I’m not sure if you flap or buzz but I see your shadow in the sky.

And everything is thinly veiled threat, an entity easy to despise.

I hang up a bird feeder for you to gorge upon,

And whistle in the night with a badly written song.

D December 2018

Will I Make March

My personal plan with WordPress expires in March 2019 and I’ve already had the hassling emails about price increases etc (well technically you now have to pay for the domain on top of the plan, which in my books is basically a price increase).

So though I may have 200 followers, only 20 odd are active and I’m not sure I want to fork out that amount to continuously spout bad Poetry from the mouth of a bipolary. If there’s a free plan I can default to in March I’ll stay, if not we’ll I guess my Web page precence that first started in 1999 comes to an end. To think I once live streamed to 60,000 music fans. How the world turns.

Will I miss it. Probably not. I have made something more precious than net infamy, something that can’t be quantified or packaged and sold. Nor will I let it be indexed here.

{Third week without a cigarette to}

Peace D

Rules of Engagement

There, in ink and sweat we set our rules of engagement. Honour bound and sacrament.

Then in the raging fire your bore a break, to every line, to prove your feigned stake.

You rattled my armour, melted my plastic soldiers, but if this thing we have dies, it’s on your shoulders.

Maybe it’s just been so long that you thought the rules of engagement had changed, time may pass but my vowels cannot be rearranged, for a convenient future … where you upstand in the platinum reign.

D December 2018

Minnow

“I read your poetry so I don’t need to know you.” So a few lines of text have defined my hue, my colour, my essence, wrapped up to be neatly disposed.

Did I toil night after night on those words no, but your lack of interest shows, the world has a shallow end with minnows like you, who would never be impressed by anything I said or do.

It’s a shame but that’s how the world spins, and when I stare at the moon it will be quite easy to forget that you, maybe, are staring at it to.

D December 2018

Never quit, quitting…

For the probably 20th time I’m on the wagon with the cigarettes. 42 hours on, so far and only one smoke when someone in the household really stressed me this morning. I’m using patches and mouth spray because I’m so horribly addicted to nicotine but as the hours go by I’m using the spray less. I may just make it.

I was inspired by the fact that my daughter is now old enough to work out why I have to keep ‘popping’ outside. Also I reduced my pain killers for my AS from 30mg of codien to 8! According to my doctor that’s pretty hardcore as codien is harder to get off than heroin and they become ineffective against pain after 6 months anyway (well the pain is shifted to a different area of the brain) Still she said there’s thousands of people addicted to zapain all over the country. I now use ice packs for instant pain relief. It works!

My sense of smell has already improved and I’m breathing easier, I was a real heavy smoker and sometimes you just have to go for it because there is always an excuse not to quit.

As for my coffee … Hands off! That’s my last refuge of addiction.

Peace D

Deadends

So I tried to get focused on prose writing some months back and also started a new blog with the hopes of getting my technical paranoia out on that. Both dead ends as my last two poems have drawn a few likes here on the bipolar by cola site and it was really cathartic writing them. So I guess this where I’ll be… For now (shame I can’t refund the other site though, bipolar overspend again! And the novel remains half written. Maybe that’s a good thing)

Peace D

Microlapse

When you start thinking you’re relapsing because of a physical illness pulling you down and your not quite sure how to get up again.

“I’m not sick but I’m not well” to quote Harvey Danger

Peace

D