Deadends

So I tried to get focused on prose writing some months back and also started a new blog with the hopes of getting my technical paranoia out on that. Both dead ends as my last two poems have drawn a few likes here on the bipolar by cola site and it was really cathartic writing them. So I guess this where I’ll be… For now (shame I can’t refund the other site though, bipolar overspend again! And the novel remains half written. Maybe that’s a good thing)

Peace D

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Gone Fishing?

So much for me staying focused, writing daily on one of my unfinished novels then lead to wanting to have a character from a different culture in it, which then lead to me brushing up on my French. I used to travel a lot in France as a teenager and was semi fluent and even after all these years of thinking I’d forgotten it all, the audio book I’m learning has brought back great memories from before my ‘diagnosed conditions’, drinking wine on beaches, scuba diving, cycling a strange half skateboard half bicycle contraption around the village, getting my name all over the arcade machine out side the local store, listening to Jean Michael Jarre’s Rendezvous as we drove into the mountains, getting a bee stuck in the car and the accelerator pedal getting trapped down in the car while my mum panicked doing 129mph down outside lane until she managed to get keys out of the ignition. Staying in haunted hotels and not getting a wink of sleep. Also many other snippets and feelings of memories. I so want to go back now but with this Brexit mess I don’t know how practical it is, nor do I think that the France of the 80s is anything like the one of today.

Au Revoir

Paix

D

Dave (and Other Girls); Work continues.

So as I focus myself on my writing I’ve reread the first 5 chapters I have of ‘Dave’, it’s characters, scenes and plots and feel the slow creep of inspiration. So many ways this could go.

I posted the first chapter on my blog months ago, link below if ur interested. The chapter I’m currently dealing with deals with an attempted suicide by one of the crew, a dark place I know about but never crossed. I think it’s good to get these ideas out of me, for me it’s not profiteering from misery but a cleansing process that normalises a deep dark set of emotional trauma for me. Will I include that chapter in the finished article… Well let’s see if I finish it first.

Peace D

http://bipolarbycola.blog/2018/04/30/dave-and-other-girls/

Focus

So it seems I have had several opportunities come up for me recently after a very harsh winter where I felt I had lost everything and the only viable option seemed to be to ride off into the sun set and not return.

Now as my Psyche drugs get balanced right and I look hard into my life I realise I don’t need a councillor, or a saviour, I just need to focus.

Talking with my other half I have discovered I need to trim down my interests and pay attention to what I’m good at. This means writing instead of music and art and Retail instead of Conservation work (which is a flooded job market round my area). I have multiple opportunities to volunteer in retail locally and I’ll be calling the charity Scope back in September when my little one goes back to school.

As for writing I have around 400 poems now, one of which won a prize a few years ago and I just need to collate and find a publisher. I also have 4 novels on the go which need finishing. I just need to apply effort and direction, something I’m very bad at.

Well here’s to a new start and getting on with it … fortunately the paranoia has faded and I’ve reintegrated with the real world somewhat, but I will not let my guard down again versus certain things.

There will be no next time.

Peace D